the colbert report is easily my favorite show on television right now. the man knows how to embarrass someone.
just before the u.s. was eliminated from world cup contention, stephen invited alexi lalas onto the show to help him trash-talk some of the other countries. AND…it was fucking awesome!

watch the whole segment at youtube, or just read this transcript of my favorite part (speaking to the czech republic, who defeated the united states in the first match of the world cup):

“turn up your hearing aids, grandpa! ’cause i’m only gonna say this once.
the only reason you beat us in the first match was because our players were too busy thinkin’ about the sacrifices their grandfathers made to save your asses back in w-w-ii. yeah!
and look…look, czech’s mix. i’ve been to prague, i’ve been to prague. i found the architecture trite.
why don’t you go home and cry to slovakia – oh wait! they’re not part of your country anymore.”

a co-worker emailed this to me this morning and it was just too funny. clicking will enlarge the pic.

after all the crap that happened during the 2006 nba playoffs (inconsistent officiating, league suspensions, the fall of the pistons, etc.), i was about to lose all regard for professional basketball. it’s still looking pretty dismal, but with the arrival of adam morrison, there is a small ray of hope. now i’m already looking forward to next season. the guy is such a fierce competitor and i really like that about him. he’s fun to watch and plus he has a sick jack white moustache. and in the event that i ever move down to north carolina, which is something dana and i have given fair consideration to in the past, he’d make it a little easier for me to get behind the bobcats.

here were the big stories of last night’s draft, from my perspective:

1. the sheer amount of trading going on throughout the draft there were so many deals going on that trying to follow who went where during the draft turned into a joke.

2. the marcus williams slip
uconn point guard marcus williams was a top 10 talent in this draft. somehow when the knicks were on the clock at #20 overall, williams was still on the board and new york was stupid and passed on him, instead reaching for a guy they could have easily found in the second round. then boston essentially makes the same mistake, wheeling a deal with phoenix for the rights to their #21 pick and having them select the shooting-challenged kentucky point guard rajon rondo for them instead of williams. both new york and boston will regret those two moves. mark my words.

3. memphis manages to get even gay-er
i don’t know how memphis got away with raping the houston rockets the way did, but they received a future star in rudy gay and all they gave up in exchange for him was shane fucking battier. mind boggling. seriously, is there some kind of league rule or something that can render this trade null, since ghb was obviously slipped into houston’s drink.

4. hoping for dirk, not darko
the raptors took the 6’10″ italian, andrea bargnani, with the first overall pick of the draft, hoping that he turns out to be the next dirk nowitzki. errrrr, i don’t think so, colangelo. you just majorly f-ed up, milicic-style.

here’s how the whole thing went down:

1st round
1) andrea bargnani, forward (italy)
selected by toronto
2) lamarcus aldridge, forward (texas)
selected by chicago
3) adam morrison, forward (gonzaga)
selected by charlotte
4) tyrus thomas, forward (lsu)
selected by portland
5) shelden williams, forward (duke)
selected by atlanta
6) brandon roy, guard (washington)
selected by minnesota, traded to portland
7) randy foye, guard (villanova)
selected by portland (via boston), traded to minnesota
8) rudy gay, forward (uconn)
selected by houston, traded to memphis
9) patrick o’bryant, center (bradley)
selected by golden state
10) saer sene, forward (senegal)
selected by seattle
11) j.j. redick, guard (duke)
selected by orlando
12) hilton armstrong, forward (uconn)
selected by new orleans/okla. city
13) thabo sefolosha, guard (switzerland)
selected by philadelphia, traded to chicago
14) ronnie brewer, guard (arkansas)
selected by utah
15) cedric simmons, forward (nc state)
selected by new orleans/okla. city
16) rodney carney, forward (memphis)
selected by chicago, traded to philadelphia
17) shawne williams, forward (memphis)
selected by indiana
18) oleksiy pecherov, center (ukraine)
selected by washington
19) quincy douby, guard (rutgers)
selected by sacramento
20) renaldo balkman, forward (south carolina)
selected by new york (via denver)
21) rajon rondo, guard (kentucky)
selected by phoenix (via l.a.lakers), traded to boston
22) marcus williams, guard (connecticut)
selected by new jersey (via l.a.clippers)
23) josh boone, forward (connecticut)
selected by new jersey
24) kyle lowry, guard (villanova)
selected by memphis
25) shannon brown, guard (michigan st.)
selected by cleveland
26) jordan farmar, guard (ucla)
selected by l.a. lakers (via miami)
27) sergio rodriguez, guard (spain)
selected by phoenix, traded to portland
28) maurice ager, guard (michigan st.)
selected by dallas
29) mardy collins, guard (temple)
selected by new york (via san antonio)
30) joel freeland, forward (united kingdom)
selected by portland (via detroit)

second round
31) james white, guard (cincinnati)
selected by portland, traded to indiana
32) steve novak, forward (marquette)
selected by houston (via new york)
33) solomon jones, forward (south florida)
selected by atlanta
34) paul davis, center (michigan st)
selected by l.a. clippers (via charlotte)
35) p.j. tucker, forward (texas)
selected by toronto
36) craig smith, forward (boston college)
selected by minnesota (via boston)
37) bobby jones, forward (washington)
selected by minnesota, traded to philadelphia
38) kosta perovic, forward (croatia)
selected by golden state
39) david noel, forward (north carolina)
selected by milwaukee (via houston)
40) denham brown, guard (connecticut)
selected by seattle
41) james augustine, forward (illinois)
selected by orlando
42) daniel gibson, guard (texas)
selected by cleveland (via philadelphia)
43) marcus vincius, forward (brazil)
selected by new orleans/okla. city
44) lior eliyahu, forward (israel)
selected by orlando (via milwaukee), traded to houston
45) alexander johnson, forward (florida st.)
selected by indiana, traded to memphis via portland
46) dee brown, guard (illinois)
selected by utah (via chicago)
47) paul millsap, forward (louisiana tech)
selected by utah
48) vladimir veremeenko, forward (belarus)
selected by washington
49) leon powe, forward (california)
selected by denver, traded to boston
50) ryan hollins, center (ucla)
selected by charlotte (via sacramento)
51) cheick samb, center (senegal)
selected by l.a. lakers, traded to detroit
52) guillermo diaz, guard (miami)
selected by l.a. clippers
53) yotam halperin, guard (israel)
selected by seattle (via memphis)
54) hassan adams, guard (arizona)
selected by new jersey
55) ejike ugboaja, forward (nigeria)
selected by cleveland
56) edin bavcic, forward (bosnia)
selected by toronto (via miami), traded to philadelphia
57) loukas mavrokefalidis, center (greec)
selected by minnesota (via phoenix)
58) j.r. pinnock, guard (george washington)
selected by dallas, traded to l.a. lakers
59) damir markota, forward (croatia)
selected by san antonio
60) will blalock, guard (iowa state)
selected by detroit

you see, i’ve just made the switch to wordpress, from the incredibly ancient blogger. based on the interface alone, i think i’ll like wordpress a lot more.

for those of you who aren’t already familiar with me, my seriously ill blogging skills have been previously put on display in two places: 1) my own personal site, mikejonze.com and 2) the camera as pen (the MP3 blog).